Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb

I don't suffer from madness..I enjoy it.

Profesor is the man who is talking while other are sleeping.

Death is life's way to say : YOU ARE FIRED!

What is the length of a minute? It depends in which side of the bathroom door you are standing.

Do not throw stones on your neighbors if you live in a house of glass

An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die

A trip is what you take when you can't take anymore of what you've been taking.

You can't have everything....where would you put it?

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting to get into the bathroom.

Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

God, if you can't make me skinny, please make my friends fat!

I stepped on a Cornflake, and now I am a cereal killer.

Future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep.

Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?

My parents made me what I am today. I'm thinking of suing.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

 I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

 Even a broken clock is right twice a day

Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest

Happy Birthday, you're not getting older you're just a little closer to death

Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.

Happy Birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you smell like a monkey, and you look like one too.

Some words of wisdom for your birthday, "Smile while you still have teeth!"

Birthdays suit you, more you have them , more you live.

You think your special JUST because its your birthday today...no way- you're special every day!!!

How do you expect me to remember your birthday, when you never look any older? Happy birthday!

You're birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar... Yung No Mo

Every once in a while, special people are put on this earth. People with deep passion, immense love for others. People with hearts much greater than average, and today, one of them would like to wish you a happy birthday. Happy Birthday.

A happy birthday, I hope you feel,
May all your wishes, the future reveal.
Enjoy today, since it's pretty rare,
We came to join you, for we truly care.

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate 

I wish that you have the best of days on this special day of days

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.

Hope your birthday blossoms into lots of dreams come true!

Count your life by smiles, not tears. Count your age by friends, not years.

Wishing you all the great things in life, hope this day will bring you an extra share of all that makes you happiest.

Hope lovely surprises are coming your way, To make your Birthday a wonderful day

Wishing you your happiest birthday yet, A birthday too special To ever forget.

Happy Birthday form the heart, Cause that's where all great wishes start

Smiles and laughter, joy and cheer;
New happiness that stays throughout the year;
Hope your birthday brings all these and more;
Filling life with surprise and joys galore!

So on this very special day;
I would like to say to you;
I hope you'll always find happiness;
In whatever you may do.

May the sun's rays shine brightest on you today with the wind at your heals. Happy Birthday.

When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain

A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.

Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.

"Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it." -Andre Gide

The meaning of life is to live it

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.

Everyday is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.

Put your future in good hands - your own.

If you only do what you know you can do - you never do very much

Find something you love to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life.

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window - or break down a door.

You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

Happiness is the best face lift.

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine.

Live your life in the manner that you would like your kids to live theirs.

Try and fail, but don't fail to try.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.

Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.

Laziness is the only luxury that not even a millionaire can afford.

I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.

There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

People who are too weak to follow their own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours.

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.  Albert Einstein 

To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent. Buddha

It is always wise to look ahead, but difficult to look further than you can see. Winston Churchill 

When you are winning a war almost everything that happens can be claimed to be right and wise. Winston Churchill 

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool. William Shakespeare 

Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it. Benjamin Franklin 

Life's Tragedy is that we get old to soon and wise too late. Benjamin Franklin 

A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer. Bruce Lee

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. Bill Cosby 

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." ? Dr. Seuss

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." ? Mae West

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." ? John Lennon